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Get basically do unto others as you would like done to you. Amsterdam New York City NY They experimented, learning different ways to please themselves and each other.

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Obviously something was on the girl's mind, and he wondered what it Super horny Valley springs Arkansas be. All the time she psrings Tom had been spending together lately had not gone un-noticed by their usually quiet father.

She started to struggle and cry out In fact, the more he thought about it, the more anxious he became to hit the streets again as soon as possible. We had lived three houses apart since we were old enough to remember. And we were in most of the same springw through grade school, junior high and now high school. We had a lot of things in common. It was a Saturday afternoon, and Mom and Dad were off playing tennis. For some reason, the idea of my little sister showing her naked pussy to other people - even little Linda Haseltine - was a super turn-on for me.

Do I think something happened between them? Arkansaa most certainly do; he's a powerful man who also happens to be a tenth degree horndog laughs and applause and ssprings know something I think most of you will agree once you get beyond all this faux Super horny Valley springs Arkansas rebob about besmirching the Presidency with tawdry accusations, the fact is Bill Clinton Super horny Valley springs Arkansas achieved emeritus status in the Players club Super horny Valley springs Arkansas governor of the state of Arkansas.

There is too much rumor, too much innuendo, and just enough evidence; bottom line, folks, where there's smoke, there's friction. You know, Stephanopoulos must be feeling like the guy that Louis B. Mayer assigned to accompany Erryl Flynn around town. Georgie-boy has become a sexual Red Adere and it appears our good president Super horny Valley springs Arkansas Hot pussy type looking for fun bbc for Diadema a whole lot of wells in the mids.

Having said that, do I think he sexually harassed Paula Jones? Hard to say and here's why: Whatever cheesy chicanery went down in that hotel room it doesn't seem to have hoeny her wage-earning ability. Seven hundred thousand dollars? How'd they arrive at that figure, what's that, Arjansas hundred K per inch? You know something, theres a fair to midland chance that old P. Now having said that the sexual harassment charge might be suspicious; do I think that Paula Jones might have been compromised by the clumsy, sophomoric sexual advances of a presumptuous Huey not-so-Long type lording his power over a backwoods empire: Do I think that 21st bday party date Jones could have been embarrassed by the highest elected official in her state doing a Lurch impression with his Dockers down around his ankles: But Arkansws would say this to Paula Jones; the next time a man drops his chinos in front of you, look him in Su;er eye and say Hony, you silly son of a bitch, pull your pants up and start thinking Arkasas your big head for a change, OK pal?

Look, nobody wants to make light of the serious crime against women that men commit far Alone want friends and chat often; but isnt that what frivolous complaints like Paula Jones are doing?

We've gotta get clear with each other on how our respective gender tribes wield sexuality in this culture. Because some of this stuff should be a no-groiner.

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Here are some guidelines: Safeway into court because he complimented you on your culottestake the extra second and try to Supre the innocuous from the malicious.

Its over. Pack up your Super horny Valley springs Arkansas and go knock on the next fucking door. Let me also advance the following immodest proposal so we can all get on with our goddamn lives: I think we should pour all our time, energy, and know-how into genetically engineering a third sex that we can both fuck indiscriminately and never feel the need to phone the next morning.

We could call them And they would heal the world. And while Super horny Valley springs Arkansas solution may seem silly, its no sillier than what were doing now; which is a tentative sexual two-step in which neither partner wants to lead, neither partner wants to follow, and everybody's feet are getting stepped on.

Naturally, the space station will horhy begin confirmation hearings to serve on George W. Bush's cabinet sometime next week.

Bush leaned on Donald Rumsfeld to take time off from writing his memoirs of the Battle of Hastings to serve as Secretary of defense. The move itself took very little time once workers discovered that Bush had nothing upstairs.

Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but as a comedian, with George W. Bush coming into office, I feel like the owner of a hardware store before Sjper hurricane. I hate to see it coming but I have to admit it's good for business.

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I'll take my shots at Dubya, but I actually have high hopes for the next four years. I see George W. Bush working hard to keep the ambitions of big business and the military in check, and ensure that even the lowest job pays a dignified wage.

I believe he'll erase the animus that has divided Washington, and bring both sides of the aisle together. I also happen to believe dogs can talk if you touch them in the right spot, and everyone watching me is happy with their body. As much Super horny Valley springs Arkansas I'm willing to give Bush a chance, I'm a little nervous about his intellectual capacity. I mean, at least Clinton had his dick to think with.

And Clinton did a lot of thinking. If I were Bush, the first day I took over, I'd have a convoy of six Rug Doctor trucks come chugging through the main entrance of the White House, park right in front of the TV cameras, and start dragging their steam-cleaning hoses through the Oval Office door. Well, come on.

It's got to be like buying Bob Guccione's mattress at a yard sale. You can say what you want about Bush, but he's going to surround himself with people who are so experienced that they aren't gonna let him eat at the grown-up table for a long time. Mixed girl seeking Slovenia male you can't understand the Ladies seeking real sex Redgranite Wisconsin 54970 and Super horny Valley springs Arkansas Bush without peeking behind the curtain at the clever bald man pulling all the levers: You know, the job of V.

But Cheney is also smart, crafty and persuasive, so Super horny Valley springs Arkansas George credit for putting him on the team. Most presidential candidates try to pick a running mate who won't outshine them, but who would that be for Bush?

Maybe Wilson the volleyball from the movie "Cast Away. How could he possibly know Super horny Valley springs Arkansas woman had a Guatemalan slave?

Chavez got out quickly. I guess she felt that if people had a hard time with the illegal alien maid, they might respond even more negatively to the 30 Haitians assembling "Salad Shooters" in her basement. But what I don't understand is how Ashcroft can be so pro-Death Penalty when he lost his last election bid to Mel Carnahan, a dead guy.

What's really scary is that most people thought Carnahan won the debates, too. Oh, yeah, I love the sound of that. It's nice to know we're signing our nuclear arsenal over to a man who needs Gapping assholes sex gangbang help. Don't you think the fact that he needs a tutor ought to be raising more eyebrows than Eminem teaching kindergarten on the planet Vulcan?

Secretary of Health and Human Services nominee Tommy Thompson says his top priorities include overhauling social security and Medicare as well as fixing his stupid name. Hey, what kinda guy makes it past forty with a "y" on the end of his first name? Okay, no complaints there. Nice to see that Bush picked a minority.

After all, a minority picked him. Super horny Valley springs Arkansas

All in all, George W. Hey, Nude ladys in Boston utah in the hell happened here?

I only applied for the job because I never thought they would actually give it to me. So my advice, George, is take your lumps and jump in there. For me it was the best thing I ever did, next to this show on HBO of course.

Man, it's hard kissing two asses at once. You know, in the end, it's hard to know what history Super horny Valley springs Arkansas make of the second Bush presidency. Will it be regarded as an aberration in the electoral process? A surprisingly capable underdog effort? Maybe just a placeholder in the strange but easy-to-remember Presidential sequence "Bush-Clinton-Bush-Clinton.

It's time for Daddy's little boy to grow up. George W. Bush's seemingly endless supply of free passes is now officially drier than any of the oilwells he once managed. Well, I, for one, wish him the best. Now, I don't pretend to know anything about the Machiavellian intricacies of politics, the " one - hand - washes - the - other - that - scratches - the - back - that - spanks - the Super horny Valley springs Arkansas monkey - that - gives - the - reacharound - " to whomever.

All I know is, with the Nasdaq numbers acting like they're in a fight scene from "Crouching Tiger, Super horny Valley springs Arkansas Dragon" and the once-madly-thriving economy now teetering like Forrest Whitaker in a pair of Jimmy Choo stilettos, if I were Dubya, the first thing I'd do when I set foot in the Housewives looking hot sex Provo Utah House, before I unpacked the video golf game, before I started crank-calling my old frat brothers, before I snuck up behind Dick Cheney and popped an inflated paper bag, the first thing I'd do is get my ass on the phone and send Alan Greenspan a four-year supply of Omaha fucking steaks.

Of course, that's just my opinion. I could be wrong. Well, tomorrow George W. He's about to sling his wobbly, too-tight high heels over his shoulder and take the morning-after Walk of Shame out of the beer-and sweat-stained frat house of Washington, D. Domo arigato, Mr. Tonight, I hope to answer Super horny Valley springs Arkansas question, "Who is Al Gore and what are his core beliefs?

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Poor Gore. Desperate for approval, he violated the Number One rule in showbiz: Work the shaft. Oh, I'm sorry, that's the number two rule.

The Super horny Valley springs Arkansas one rule is: It doesn't matter what color shirt your handlers tell you to wear, Super horny Valley springs Arkansas. If the pits are darker than Ann Rice's dream journal, you're in trouble. Even the biggest Democratic apologist has to admit that Gore lacked something. You'd think the guy who won the popular vote would be well, more popular. Hey, everybody knows that winning the popular vote is sort of like winning a People's Choice Award.

Sure it feels good for a while knowing you've carried the three - hundred - pounds - and - up turqoise-collector demographic, but it doesn't mean shit Super horny Valley springs Arkansas you don't back it up with the Oscar.

And let's all stop blaming the electoral college system. It's an essential part of the democratic process specially designed to make sure that each candidate is responsible for making false promises to every American, not just the ones in highly populated urban areas.

So, how did Al Gore Super horny Valley springs Arkansas to lose the presidential race? He ran. The ability to come across as warm and genuine to the American public is simply not in Al's Westworld wiring. It was like watching a pit bull try to go duck hunting. He kept trotting back from the pond with nothing but a mouth full of bloody feathers thinking he did a great job and not understanding why everybody kept on petting the dumbass Texas Labrador with the bandanna tied around his neck.

Al Gore is a supreme intellectual, there's probably nothing he doesn't know, except perhaps who he truly is. The problem with Al Gore's intellectualism is, he never lets us forget I can host with 420 this evening nsa and fwb wanted. And though we value intelligence, nobody likes a know-it-all.

Sure, I enjoyed reading Proust in high school too, but at least I was smart enough to lock myself in the bathroom and tell my parents I was masturbating. It was painful to watch Al try to emulate Bill Clinton's charming, personable style while campaigning on the road. He gave it his best shot, but people got the impression he wasn't really paying attention to them. Every time he'd try to connect with some guy working in a factory or a waitress in a diner, he'd end up nodding his head faster and faster and slowly inching away.

His body language always Tawas city MI me of somebody who's asked directions to the nearest gas station, but can't actually listen to them because he's gotta whizz so badly. Try all he wants, Al Gore will never be Bill Clinton. A leader like Clinton only comes calling once a generation. When Bill Clinton spoke to us, he looked like he really cared what we were thinking, made us feel smart, made us feel good about ourselves and made us think that he would Super horny Valley springs Arkansas remember us.

That's a style that can only be honed by decades of trying to score strange tail in cheap, roadside cocktail lounges. When it comes to assigning blame for their recent loss of the White House, the Democrats are going to be pointing more fingers than the Hindu god Vishnu at a Dunkin' Donuts. But ultimately, the problem was simply this: Al Gore came across Super horny Valley springs Arkansas a phony, and George W.

Bush came across as genuine. And after eight years of being lied to by one of the smartest men on the planet, a lot of people had decided they wanted a president with neither the inclination nor the brains to mislead them.

I'll be honest, I like my presidents to be a little dim. The Wife looking sex tonight West Friendship ones get Super horny Valley springs Arkansas and try to tamper with my life.

Give me a mildly clueless figurehead who will meet with the Girl Scout who sold the most Thin Mints, Super horny Valley springs Arkansas the winning Ladies need sex in Chamberlain South Dakota Bowl team in their lockerroom, fly abroad now and then to watch funny foreigners dance funny dances, and most Super horny Valley springs Arkansas of all, leave me the fuck alone. You know, alliteration is just one of the quirky little twists Super horny Valley springs Arkansas one can use to augment the English language.

English, for my jingoistic dollar: Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but to listen to all the alarmist intellectual Henny-Penny doom-mongers going on and on these days about the imminent death of the English language, you'd think the English language was, like, ya know, totally dying, or something.

George Orwell warned that banalities in the English language reflect a corrupted culture. That's funny. English is not just the language of Britain, Australia, Canada, and certain parts of Kentucky. It's also the language of business, diplomacy, and technology. Now, when I say English, I'm talking about what we speak here in the States, without the funny accent. Because I don't know what language working-class Brits are speaking over there in England, but it isn't like anything I've ever heard.

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I have always had a deep and abiding love for the English language, from early on in life. I've always loved the flirtatious tango of consonants and vowels, the sturdy dependability of nouns and the capricious whimsy of verbs, Wives want nsa Queen Creek strutting pageantry of the adjective, and the flitting evanescence of the adverb, all kept safe and orderly by those reliable little policemen, punctuation marks.

You think Super horny Valley springs Arkansas got my ass kicked much in high school? You can gauge the esteem in which Super horny Valley springs Arkansas hold the English language simply by telling VValley you majored in it. Now, the first thing they do is mentally subtract twenty grand off what hrny think you make. The second thing they do is ask you to bring them a menu and tell them the soup of the day. And why not? In school, English was the easiest subject to bullshit your way through.

There are no Cliff Notes for Physics. Super horny Valley springs Arkansas can't bluff your way through a Calculus discussion just by watching "Calculus: The Movie.

I understand that English is a protean, evolving language that must constantly change in order to remain relevant. But let's not go out of our way Valely appropriate words from other cultures simply to justify making something more expensive. Hey, you can add all the Italian suffixes you want, you're not fooling anybody over there at Starbucks.

It's still just coffee. Now ring me the fuck up, you frappaloser. And Starbuccos is not the only cultural borrower. Doctors tend to lift most of their phrases from Greek, which is only fitting since every time I go to see one, he somehow feels the need to spend the afternoon spelunking around in my ass. All I know is if Hippocrates had been born someplace other than Athens, they would have come up with an easier way to check my prostate than drilling me like theyre George Bush and my ass is Alaska.

I wouldn't be so worried about the fate of the English language if more of us could speak it properly. Forget Wives looking nsa Dennis Port Cold Steve Austin or the Rock, if you want to see real wrestling, watch our newly elected president pronounce the word "unilateral.

Even he looks like hes surprised at whats coming out of his mouth, kind of like Malkovich when he had that puppeteer inside his head. Folks, the English language spribgs very much alive. From where I'm standing, our mother tongue is kicking ass and taking names. It's large and in charge, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, full of piss and vinegar and ready to open up a big ol can of whup-ass. It's calling the shots, it's bouncing and behaving, it's all up in it, and it's all that and a bag of chips.

For the love of God, somebody please tell me what in the hell I'm Super horny Valley springs Arkansas about. Now, while I have upon occasion been labeled horby E. White of the word "fuck," Suler do have to admit that I went an entire football season without saying it.

Take it from a connoisseur, it should be used sparingly, like saffron in a Supeer paella. See--the word "fuck" is a beauty, isn't it? From its fricative genesis, blossoming into its ripe, springd middle until its cruelly truncated in its prime by a merciless, glottal stop In all of its earthy, salty, illicit Anglo-Saxon glory, "fuck" is almost as satisfying to say as it is to do.

Now, some would say I contribute to the coarsening of the English language through my casual use of profanity. To those critics, I would respond that my discourse merely exemplifies the vaunted precedent of valorizing the oral vernacular. I would further add that language is a living tissue, which must occasionally suffer the rupture of subversion in order to convalesce with more structural stability. So to those guardians of the linguistic gates who charge that I shoehorn the F-word in wherever I can, merely to further Super horny Valley springs Arkansas rather tenuous career built entirely on a profane house of cards, well, why dont you just go fuckerize yourselves.

Hey, is there Super horny Valley springs Arkansas nowadays who doesnt want to be on TV? Sometimes even on two different shows in completely unrelated fields where his option has just been picked up for two years in one unrelated field and hes shamelessly using the other Super horny Valley springs Arkansas to Arkabsas applause marrow out of the helpless behavior-mod rats stuck in his studio audience only because they unluckily stumbled into a Partridge Family bus outside Manns Chinese Theater?

Now, Super horny Valley springs Arkansas don't want to get off on a rant here, but while show business from the outside may seem like a nonstop whirlwind of gorgeous people, fabulous clothes, sparkling parties and spectacular homes, the reality is exactly that. Sorry, folks. I wish I had some balm to soothe you, but I don't. It's fucking awesome. From Balinese shadow plays to bullfighters in Madrid to the porn studios of the San Fernando Valley to The Craig Kilborn Show, the only human desire more universal than the urge to zprings on a show is the urge to get paid for it.

Show business is rife with paradox. Super horny Valley springs Arkansas brutally competitive and yet attracts people with egos as fragile as Strom Thurmonds hip. There's no doubt about it, show business lures the people who didn't get enough love, attention, or approval Personals fuck tonight 43215 in life and have grown up to become bottomless, gaping vessels of terrifying, abject need Please laugh.

What draws the average person into a career Valpey Show Business? Simple--they want to get laid. Take any one of the Backstreet Boys or the kids from N Sync and put them behind a deli counter with a paper hat and day old meat stains on their apron, and the only spears they'd have their hands on would be Vlasic Kosher Super horny Valley springs Arkansas.

Sometimes I'll be flipping through the channels on my dish and I'll happen upon this television show from Iraq called "The Chabab Abeeely Program. Does Chabab Abeeely really think he, Chabab Abeeely, is in show business?

Do you, Chabab Abeeely? Why did I want to get into show business? For the same reason Chabab Abeeely did. In hopes of being immortalized by the no-frills Raymond-Chandler-if-he-had-no-talent narrative of the E Channels smoke-enshrouded A.

Hey, A. Violation of the Peter Principle.

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Ain't it a bitch? In the early eighties, I worked comedy Akansas across the country nearly every week of the year. Many times I drove fifteen hundred miles at a time in a rusted out AMC Pacer with tires balder than William Shatner fleeing his house during a 3 AM earthquake, and a blinking dashboard warning-light that said "Hey Asshole, Somethings On Fire And It's Not Your Career" All this just for the privilege of sharing a skanky one-bedroom apartment-slash-gulag with two other jerkoffs in skinny, crinkle ties, one of whom invariably had a cough so bad that a Welsh coal miner would tell Super horny Valley springs Arkansas to get it checked out, and the hhorny of whom was constantly bragging about getting laid by two different chicks every week for the past six years and screamed like Lawrence of Arabia galloping into Aqaba every time he tried to urinate.

And yet, being in show business has its drawbacks Can we do this later? I wanted to know: Are you finished with that ketchup? And when you begin to have more uninterrupted meals than Rudolf Hess in Spandau, it's time to consider another line of work. Trust me, you don't want to overstay your welcome in Super horny Valley springs Arkansas town. Because you start to panic and everyone begins hornny see those rivulets of sweat running down your forehead, dripping off your chin, and it unnerves them, because they are then reminded of their own tenuous little toehold on Super horny Valley springs Arkansas steep, shale cliffs of success, so they'll take any opportunity to loosen your pitons, causing you to plummet backwards onto the jagged rocks at the base of the Piedmont and impale yourself on a stalagmite where the others still in the game can then watch the carrion birds feast on your hornt, Super horny Valley springs Arkansas entrails.

Ask Vanilla Ice. If he'll come out sprungs under your car at Meineke. And don't think you can sleep your way to the top, because I guarantee you, somebodys going to try to fuck you while youre sleeping. And the casting couch? A total myth! There is no couch. Trust me, it's never anything more comfortable than a rented card Sex dating in Green creek covered in head shots Or so I've heard.

Listen, I would recommend this business only if you absolutely must receive constant attention to be happy and fulfilled and you have already proven yourself unqualified for a Super horny Valley springs Arkansas pleasant profession like being a medical test subject. Yes, the highs can be dazzling, but the views they provide are often straight to the bottom of the chasm ahead of you.

I am sorry, young dreamer, but I cannot encourage you to join me in this difficult, wearying life, because I fear for your financial well-being, I am concerned about your mental health, I tremble at the pain you might cause yourself and your family, and most importantly, I sure as shit don't need any more competition. Look, bottom line, no matter how glamorous it appears to be, show business Discreet sex partners North Charleston always be a grueling and frequently humiliating industry.

And you know what? I don't care who you know, you never start out at the top, no matter what business you're in. First you're given oil wells, then you're given a baseball team, and then, and only then, are you given the White House.

Of course, that's just my opinion, I could be wrong. Now, I don't want to get off sprinsg a rant here, but this country's so intolerant right now, they might as well change the plaque at Super horny Valley springs Arkansas base of the Statue of Liberty to read, "Go the fuck back to Fuckatania.

What I do object to are fringe groups who go beyond the notion of tolerance and demand our approval. Sorry, but if you move in next door to me, and one day I look out my window and see your wife cutting the lawn with her teeth because she's a sheep, don't expect me to bring a covered Super horny Valley springs Arkansas over when you two reaffirm your vows, okay? Intolerance leads people to do strange things: Most arguments made by intolerant people have all Super horny Valley springs Arkansas consistency of space shuttle Thanksgiving gravy.

Why can't Super horny Valley springs Arkansas just shut up and Lonely seeking casual sex Plymouth anymore?

Whatever happened to the genteel art of sitting back and letting Super horny Valley springs Arkansas go on and on thinking he's right while you bask securely in the power of the knowledge that he or she is completely full of shit? Now, as mentioned earlier, today's poster boy for intolerance is Eminem. I don't think there's really Arkznsas that damaging in Eminem's lyrics. He's no more dangerous than a bleached-blond Chihuahua chewin' on an old dishrag.

Eminem doesn't upset me. Sprigs know why? Because he wants to upset me. Does his rap instill hate and inspire intolerance? All I can say is, not in me. As a matter of fact, it does the opposite. The more he talks about hating homosexuals, the more I urge gay inclusion in all aspects of society. The more crudely he rages against women, the more I crave their company and counsel. The more he casts blame on corporate responsibility for global warming resulting Super horny Valley springs Arkansas Arkwnsas dangerous shrinking of the polar ice cap, the more I realize that you now know that I'm totally full of shit and have never even listened to his music.

You see, the danger inherent in fighting intolerance Araknsas that often those attempting to eradicate it end up practicing it, only in a mutated, once-removed form. Liberals in particular are guilty of this supposedly well-meaning recidivism.

Honestly, it baffles me that the same people who blast away at President Bush's selection of a religious conservative for Attorney General won't give George W.

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Does a fundamentalist Christian not also represent a valued strand in our collective fabric? Who's really being intolerant of other peoples differences here? And by the way, who cares if Ashcroft's religion prohibits him from dancing? Who wants to see John Ashcroft dancing anyway? After all, I hear he was born with two right feet. And as far as Senator Super horny Valley springs Arkansas Kennedy's quavering voice of righteous indignation constantly howling like a beagle at a Rick Wakeman concert at the prospect of a right wing conservative holding sway over the Arkansass law enforcement priorities